COMINIG OUT OF MY SHADOW
I heard a message this morn… it was right in line with what I knew God had been speaking to me. For MUCH TOO LONG, I’d let down my guards down in a few instances, accepted a few things I shouldn’t have and even entertained a bit of nonsense that in times past I would have thought was beneath me. Not that I think I’m better than anyone, but you know after a while when you’ve been called names for being too forward or too straight or too high strung for your beliefs AND your personality…..you kind of relax, pull back and try to not tread the waters….
Funny in my relaxing I was losing MYSELF as a person, and maybe who I am as a believer.
Never thought of myself as a people pleaser; but it still doesn’t feel good for you to always feel like AN outsider either. So you take the low road, keep silent, sit on your gifts, talents, and graces…try to FIT IN so you do not STICK OUT! On the other hand, you just pull back and fade in!
Well it had to be my spiritual mom… (CLH) to whip me back in shape through a word she preached this morning. You know mommas have a way of doing that….
Well her message resonated so much with where I had been for a while, I found myself living like Mephibosheth in Lodebar 2 Samuel 19: I WAS LOSING MY MIND trying to be someone I wasn’t meant to be…..my self-esteem took a hit, confidence shattered a bit, and even compromised in a few areas…and testing the unseen waters!
With a bleeding heart…
I found myself thrust into the arms of an all-loving God. This whole month of JULY had me pinned to the floor with my face looking only to the one who could really rearrange and reorder the twistness of my plight!
BUT TODAY……I AM BACK…I FEEL IT!!!! …not fully but certainly on my way out of this stupor! In addition, I believe this round nothing at all will stop me from being all I can be and doing all I WAS SENT HERE on this earth to do…. SURE… it will take a minute to rise above the HOLLOWNESS OF WHAT I NOW FEEL……. NEVERTHELESS, IT IS WORTH IT….. Moreover, I did not get here over night…The devil has a way of slowly seeping the life out of you! We all know how that works….
For too long, I’ve lived beneath the privileges and promises of my Heavenly Father and have succumbed to the world’s standards and ways…IF not the world, then OTHER’S opinions of how my life should be, who, when, where and…. the like.
Heck…I’ve even allowed myself to connect with a few people ( much closer) than in other circumstances I would have never given them my number at one point. And even found myself too thick in places for the sake of other’s pleasure and benefit…. IT’S MORE TO ME than what I’ve experienced over this last season… it actually almost TOOK ME OUT…… (got to buy my book to find out EXACTLY how……. it’s coming….PROMISE)
GRATEFUL! GRATEFUL! GRATEFUL! I’M FUELED…..and can’t take a breath!
Today….I’m so glad……..trouble has a way of bringing us back to reality and taking us to a place of total surrender…. raw…….uninhibited….. With a clearer focus on the MAIN THING…
Thanks PM for the message this morning!!!! WOW!!!!
GOD USED YOU to ENCOURAGE ME to GET UP and GET BACK IN!!!!! He keeps CONNECTING THE DOTS AND using you in my life in the oddest ways….at pivotal times…I’m awestruck yet again!
And to anyone else who may read this…..well…??!*& ….just pray my strength in HIM
BECAUSE….. I’m COMING OUT………..AND IT IS ON NOW!!!!!!
PS….no personal comments about me with being too transparent…. people need to hear real testimonies of this race we run in faith!!!
I’m In the Journey!!!!