This morning I was intentionally focused to do some deeper self-discovery. Over the past week I relished in the success and manifestation of God’s blessing on the women at the Being Made Whole Conference.
The feedback and the response was incredible and equally humbling. I am still receiving calls, cards, notes, thank you’s and even request to do more on these same lines. We will and it’s in the working but at the right time. The irony of coming down from such a high was the brokeness staring me right in my face with those in my immediate circle of relational connections.
In the midst of the flurry of joy I had to deal with three main people in my life. ALL OF WHICH ARE DEAR TO ME having their own comfortable place in my heart.
I balanced my week with the emotional reactions of these individuals; none the less all of it has it’s foundation in an of their own “stuff”. I entertained the hours of conversation, the text messages, the phone calls, the lack their-of, the pulling away, harsh comments etc…
It’s a good thing I now know behaviors and can recognize the symptoms of wounded hearts, insecurity, pain, inner child perceptions, anger, jealousy etc… but it did not dismiss my dismay of the chronological ages of these individuals, with such real reactors and behaviors that we would think one at such a age should not display.
What I’ve come to know is; it’s not the age that matters, rather it is the stage of emotional development, regression of childhood traumas, unmet needs and or desires that causes such reactions. Truly a lot of it is learned behavior and once a person is comfortable in ways of protecting and surving then it’s an automatic response. Thus you may have an older person in their 50’s having an uncontrollable outburst of anger like a 5 year who can’t have a piece of candy. Or a person in their 30’s trembling with the fear of rejection like an 8 year old on the side line just hoping to be picked for the team.
In short, I sympathize and my heart is filled with empathy because I know all too well those intricate places of pain, fear, hurt, rejection, fear and insecurity we all tend to mask under various circumstances.
Funny this morning during my personal devotion time, I got out my old tool book and went back into the classroom for myself. I’m deciding none of any other’s issues will pull me into the traps of co-dependent behaviors. Yet this round I would be true to respect, love madly, keep my responses authentic, not react and pray for the peace of those connected to me.
The journey has begun… and I’m looking forward to the new lessons I will embark upon in my own personal self-discovery as to how I will intentionally engage in more healthy connections with people who struggle in their own stages of emotional wholeness and sanity.
These are exciting times in the lives of those who seek true transformation…..
I love life and I’m loving it more and more with all it’s twist and turns because this is the practice of being a completely whole person.
And of course you know I see it ALL THROUGH GEWANDA’S EYES!